“WASHINGTON (AP) The results of a new survey conducted by pollsters suggest that, contrary to common scientific wisdom, correlation does in fact imply causation. The highly reputable source, Gallup Polls, Inc., surveyed 1009 Americans during the month of October and asked them, “Do you believe correlation implies causation?” An overwhelming 64% of American’s answered “YES”, while only 38% replied “NO”. Another 8% were undecided. This result threatens to shake the foundations of both the scientific and mainstream community.
“It is really a mandate from the people.” commented one pundit who wished to remain anonymous. “It says that The American People are sick and tired of the scientific mumbo-jumbo that they keep trying to shove down our throats, and want some clear rules about what to believe. Now that correlation implies causation, not only is everything easier to understand, it also shows that even Science must answer to the will of John and Jane Q. Public.”
“Others are excited because this new, important result actually gives insight into why the result occurred in the first place. “If you look at the numbers over the past two decades, you can see that Americans have been placing less and less faith in the old maxim ‘Correlation is not Causation’ as time progresses.” explained pollster and pop media icon Sarah Purcell. “Now, with the results of the latest poll, we are able to determine that people’s lack of belief in correlation not being causal has caused correlation to now become causal. It is a real advance in the
field of meta-epistemology.” ….
Read the rest here. I’m *pretty* sure it is satire.
