Middle School v. The Bush Presidency

From McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: “Parallels Between My Living Through Two Years of Middle School and the Two Terms of the Bush Presidency”
BY TEDDY WAYNE

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The radical changes going on around me make me uncomfortable.

I am unhappy about the way things are, but feel helpless to do anything about it.

Shame is my dominant emotion.

I feel very insecure and vulnerable.

Others supposedly feel as I do, but whenever I turn on the TV it seems otherwise.

At times, I wish I lived in a faraway country.

I want to rebel against anyone in a position of authority.

Social mobility is a fallacy.

I find myself frequently watching sports for comfort.

It’s totally unfair that when I screw up I get in trouble but when my superiors do, nothing happens.

What I represent is repugnant to foreign women.

Flying is much more terrifying than it should be.

When I talk to friends on the phone, I’m afraid someone is listening in.

People tell me things will only improve after this, but I don’t believe it.

I constantly think the world is going to end.

I really dislike the arrogant popular guy elected as my president.

French is considered lame.

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