Click here for the soundtrack for this post. Make sure your speakers are on!
Okay…according to this article:
It is a time of great wonder and sporadic hope and hot liquid sighs masquerading as just another day in your life. It is a time of vital physical awakening and innovative technological excellence resulting in unprecedented levels of vibratory genital bliss. Wait, did you read that correctly? Yes, you read that correctly.
It is a time, in other words, of $500 vibrators, of $1,500 mountable sex chairs, of $4,000 ruby-encrusted titanium dildos, of an unprecedented array of truly decadent adult sex toys designed to reawaken the mysteries of the cosmos even as they terrify the godsmacked conservative right, a group that would have us all wrap our sinful bodies in black sackcloth and pack our genitalia in concrete lest we all quiver and implode and sing shameless love songs to the devil.
I am not making this up. A company called Jimmyjane, based right here in S.F., makes a thin, cigar-shaped platinum vibrator that clocks in at a whopping $470 (also comes in gold and steel), custom engraved and silent and waterproof to 15 feet down because oh my God if there’s one thing this world needs, it’s more vibe-wielding women who dive into the deep end of the pool and emerge 10 minutes later with a huge grin and a soft glow and a craving for chocolate ice cream and a shot of dark rum.
Southerners may not be buying many, at least not legally: South Carolina Republican State Representative Ralph “Yes I know my first name is a euphemism for vomit and it makes me terribly angry” Davenport has proposed a law that would make it a felony to sell devices used primarily for sexual stimulation. It will, if passed, also allow law enforcement to seize sex toys from raided businesses. Goodness knows what law enforcement will then do with them. Here’s a local news story, here’s the text of the bill, and here’s Pam Spaulding’s post about all this at Pandagon. She lives in NORTH Carolina…
Here’s a blog post about sex toys that features a parody of the Slinky commercial. It’s not really work safe unless you work at a sex shop. Other states that already have comparable laws include Texas, Mississippi, Alabama, and Georgia. Tennessee has one in the works as well. This post was inspired by Liz at Granny Gets A Vibrator. Liz lives in Louisiana, which certainly has its challenges at the moment, but impending vibrator bans would not appear to be among them.
–Ann Bartow
