From this article in today’s New York Times, on the importance of workplace inititives to support victims of domestic violence:
On one level, it is hard to imagine why any victim of domestic violence would not ask for help. But put yourself in the shoes of a woman who has worked hard all her life : attended the right schools, propelled herself into a promising career, built an impressive résumé : and who is also in an out-of-control relationship in which she is getting hurt. If work is her refuge, and she believes that disclosing her personal problems would jeopardize her position, she might well be loath to say anything.
Fear of jeopardizing one’s position is only one of many reasons that an employee might not reveal experiences of domestic violence. Other reasons include the concern that outing oneself as a victim of domestic violence conflicts with a projected image of competence and control; a desire to “forget” when at work, in order to work at all; a need for privacy; feelings of shame and embarrassment; apprehension about being believed; lack of confidence that an employer can do what the victim has not been able to do (i.e., stop the abuse); and lack of confidence in any institution to address what is both unique to the person and common in society.
-Bridget Crawford
Support initiatives are very important but, ultimately, these victims must reveal their experiences because too often there are no outward signs. I can never forget a middle-aged student I had in my Torts class over twenty years ago, a very dark-skinned black student, who inexplicably pulled an F” in her final exam. In fact, the essays bordered on incoherence.
When I later questioned her I learned that her husband had beaten her badly right before the exam and the bruises were not discernible because of her dark skin. She subsequently divorced him and she did graduate from law school but there was no way for the “F” to be removed other than by her taking the exam a semester later for a “P” grade.
Too often I’ve learned of domestic and relationship violence second or third hand which makes intervention, at the least, more problematic.
I work with domestic violence victims helping them get restraining orders in district court, and one really important reason for not leaving or asking for help that people often overlook is the victim’s own safety. Statistics show that the most dangerous time for a victim of DV is the time of separation, any big step in trying to recover some control over their own life and body. A lot of victims realize that their safety, and that of their children is going to be put in danger by asking for help, and so they simply stay and try to make the best of the situation.
I wanted to note that when companies are assisting employees involved in this issue, they are trained (when they are involved with the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence) that it is not an issue of LEAVING because as “rsmedley” indicated leaving, can, in fact, be dangerous. It is about safety — for the employee and the entire workplace. It is about pointing an employee to the resources that can assist and providing arrangements like flexible worktime, change in work location, new telephone number, secure parking, etc. that are beneficial to the employee when and if the employee chooses those arrangements.
The workplace culture really has to create a climate where at ever level and in many arenas an employee gets the message that it is safe to come forward and receive assistance and that a person will not lose a job and not be looked down upon. I realize this is easier said than done, but that is what enlighted workplaces are hoping to build.
Kim Wells, Executive Director, Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence (www.caepv.org)