Details, details

Bitch, PhD noted:

… I just feel so much better about my feminism now that I know that Details doesn’t approve of breast implants. Whew.

The article, if you’re bored shitless and don’t have anything else to read, is here. I have no idea if it’s hilarious or wrath-inducing, because I can’t be bothered to read some wanking article from Details about breasts. But hey, if you’re so inclined, there’s the click.

(P.S. to A. from DETAILS Magazine: actually, we bitches don’t care what you think of our bodies. Sorry about that. Go buy yourself something nice and feel better, honey.)

Stupidly, I did read the article. Its starts out with this paragraph:

Boobs are busting out all over. In the year since the Food and Drug Administration approved the use of silicone breast implants (do breasts go under Food or Drugs?), one million shiny new über-boobs have overflowed welcoming bras like rising dough foaming over bread pans, or strained provocatively against satin blouses and wet T-shirts, pert nipples on red alert. An estimated 500,000 American women have joined the approximately 4.5 million who already had chest extensions, waving good-bye to their S-class-driving nip-and-tuckers with a joyful “Thanks for the mammaries!”

And it actually gets worse from there. A bit later the author describes himself as a feminist man. Which isn’t the descriptor I was thinking of by a mile. Then when it doesn’t seem like he could possibly say anything dumber or more degrading to women, he closes with this sentence:

You could say über-boobs are Western Civ’s equivalent of. . . a burka.

Yep, he analogized “über-boobs” to “a burka,” because in his deeply disturbing world view, women who wear either are “obediently conforming to some caricature of beauty fantasized by traveling-salesman types.” Which I think is inaccurate analysis at best, unlike saying that Details magazine is the intellectual equivalent of the National Enquirer after several birds have been pooping on it.

–Ann Bartow