So Vegas actually *is* pretty scandalous to a *lot* of people. Your post will be hidden and deleted by moderators. It is obvious that anyone who says that has never been here, because there arent even that many people who are obviously Muslims living here. Sounds great. Do NOT potentially sabotage your career over this, especially if you are the main breadwinner. If it was possible to take him along I could see that potentially helping if the main issue is wrong information and assumptions. Wow. I havent missed a day other than scheduled vacation. Hes disabled, finds it extremely difficult to cook for himself, and suffers from anxiety, and he doesnt like me going on business trips. Your husband is being unreasonable. He had experienced previous panic attacks on flights, hated the "cattle type" travel experience, and at 6'2+ was uncomfortable in the tiny airplane seats. I hope some of it is helpful to you in some way. But also, my aunt and uncle are pretty bigoted and I know they modeled the idea of a submissive wife and dominant husband for my cousin. Vegas skeezy rep is about 50 years out of date at this point. Yeah, I hate having that thought, but that was exactly where my mind went he is freaking out because he thinks OP is going to do what he did. I might just be flinching at the use of the word wholesome, though. I have to comment on this one. I could understand some concern about being on a business trip to an unfamiliar (at least somewhat) city but this sounds over the top. I mean sure its possible hes found someone that shares his view, but I think its mostly him just hearing what he wants to hear. My husband knows I am a lone soul sometimes and love my exciting career. Im not necessarily that suspicious of the friends. It has helped me also to understand where that response came from not just the ex baggage, but early childhood experiences damaged his basic trust, which he is working on. I speak as someone whose husband is both a counselor and anxiety-sufferer. I bet youll have a blast. There are some cultures where marriage is really about the blending of two families. You dont deserve to be treated that way. Its a him issue. Thank you so much for being the voice of reason here. It doesnt mean you dont love him, and it doesnt mean either of you are bad people. Marriage counseling and perhaps some counseling for him personally. Armchair diagnosis of either is not useful, but it doesnt hurt to remind people of possible things to consider. You won't have to look over, sideways, and under to find out when new Magic Key sales will be open again. We respect everyones right to express their thoughts and opinions as long as they remain respectful of other community members, and meet What to Expects Terms of Use. Did I stand out? Yeah, this seems so over the top Im having trouble thinking its just about relationship issues. Is that an issue as well? The memo was a few years old, and it had been issues shortly before an Uber retreat If Im not mistaken it was in Miami definitely in Florida. (also +1000 to RabbitRabbit for anxiety manifesting as control theyre not necessarily separate). If your husband has never traveled for business, and hasnt traveled much in his personal life, and his friends have similar life experiences, then its no wonder that hes created this scenario where all that happens in Vegas is affairs and crimes. Same! My then-husband and I spent three days in Vegas with two other couples, and the most sinful thing we did was see a strip show that our group leader had accidentally bought us all tickets to. Obviously we will have to stop every few hours to feed her. Oh thats my mothers thing, too. You need a pro to help you guys sort out this tangle and see where to go from here in a way that doesnt actively sabotage your career because of his irrational behavior. Other National Geographic Family Journeys from G Adventures include bucket-list family vacation destinations like Iceland, Japan, South Africa, Peru, Costa Rica, Morocco, and Vietnam. Finally, I can think of far better places to hold business meetings like Atlanta you have to change planes here anyway, so why not?? Couples counseling has given us a neutral forum to figure out how to face it together, to help me express how his behavior effects me and our family, and for me to learn how to support him. Im being somewhat sarcastic, but maybe a tiny bit serious: I wonder if the concern about her possibly cheating is some kind of fear that the evening networking event is actually a mandatory orgy? Is he anxious about everything, or just the fact that youre going to vegas? I had no other work pending and a ton of free time, so what did I do? Seriously, I grew up in Las Vegas. Its really easy to say everyone else agrees (and they conveniently do so somewhere that you cant actually see/hear what they said), so anything that smacks of that strikes me as worthy of taking with a shakerfull of salt. Eating a meal? I bought a single-serve bottle of wine in the hotel convenience store and enjoyed it in my room. Nah, its not legal in Reno either their county did not legalize it. My partner finds it funny that I get excited to go to Vegas for work and roll my eyes when it is a friend/social trip because he knows me so well. I mean, it isnt like he is supporting them. Only discussing the precise words given in the letter: The whole letting her go thing could be controlling or abusive, but it could also refer less to physical ability to go there and more not letting her go in peace, or without a bunch of needy whining adult tantrums. It has beautiful trails just minutes outside the city. I think some boundaries are needed here. Most of them suffer from anxiety and sensory issues so they think Vegas sounds terrible in practice. Yeah, support common technique, but we dont know what we dont know, till we know it. :( Her husband seems like an abuser. That was my thinking toohow much did he lead them into getting the exact answer he wanted? She comes back with cool stories and we have something to talk about besides work and whats for dinner. I personally hate Vegas, but I would never question the idea of sending a business trip there because its typically the cheapest place you can gather people from offices all over the continent. Everything he is afraid of is very very unlikely to happen and no more likely to happen in Vegas than any other city. One ofour Bright Side readers sentus ane-mail pouring her heart out about atricky situation shes going through. Ive looked at the posts from the OP (Working Wife), and in the first place, she hadnt posted when I posted this. Never! I know this is a long-shot, but anyone else think theres a real chance that this is the employee from this thread: https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/my-employee-is-refusing-to-travel-because-her-husband-said-she-cant.html? Just Saying. You should protect your son! It was BAD. Hes been working through them and he was much better during my last work trip. Main Menu And there, the answer is clear: you have to go. What about yourself? My (mentally ill) mom does this thing where if theres something she doesnt want me to do, she makes up stories about how dangerous/stupid/inconsiderate/selfish/wrong of me to do it. Marketing aside, Vegas is just a metropolitan center, and you dont look lose your morals the second you step off the plane. Youve never met them, but that doesnt mean that they dont exist. There are lots of places in the country where the approach the OP describes is perfectly normal, and where its a lot harder work to find somebody who disagrees. That was one reason I had to STOP watching so much Law N Order / Criminal Minds / CSI / whatever. Most people just went to Banana Republic and then did some karaoke. As Captain Awkward would put it: you have a husband problem, not a job problem. This is a man who is trying to actively sabotage her career. This is definitely a sign of relationship problems and is not normal. If my wife was going off just to gamble and get wasted with other dudes Id be against that too., I highly doubt he posed it as My wifes company keeps taking business trips to Las Vegas. This is part of your JOB. 2 junio, 2022; google load balancer path prefix rewrite; how much does it cost to join peninsula yacht club . Married people travel for work all the time, even to cities with a greater-than-their-fair-share amount of vices around, and they typically behave responsibly and stay faithful. We all had a blast. And in really any city, conference facilities are going to be near entertainment options that arent strictly relevant to the business conference, because thats the nature of the city. OP, I believe that professional help figuring out what exactly is going on (including ruling in or ruling out a medical cause like primary anxiety or OCD) and getting professional treatment based on that, is the best first step for you here. Be very very wary of ever harming your career or earning potential because of the desires of another person. To give the LW the tools she needs to see if this is something she can work through to save her marriage and save her career. My mom cancelled their first date and was always busy when he tried to reschedule until she finally gave in. Frankly, what worked for me was meeting the team my wife was working with. I read it as him being anxious and unreasonable. Vegas flights and hotels are cheap compared to anywhere else with their size convention/conference space. If a person has surrounded themselves with a bunch of people that thinks its normal for one spouse to tell the other what they are/arent allowed to do, thats a beyond red flag. I would think about whether this fits in a pattern of other bad behavior. ); (2) You and Marcus could try to pay your own way; or (3) You could commence the sticky process of negotiating a patchwork-payment . Los Vegas is known more for shows and EDM festivals than anything else these days. I dont gamble but I love New Orleans it feels like an adults only carnival. The only people who would have a problem with visiting Las Vegas would be someone who has never been there! Ill be finding myself an apartment when I get back from Vegas. Yes its a confusing sentence but I believe the OP comments elsewhere that she wrote what she meant, the people her husband polled WOULD allow their significant others to go. One of my favorite Dan Savage letters was about whether they were broken up (his former girlfriends opinion) or not broken up (his preference, because it would mean he had to start dating again and who wants that bother?). Pretty much. You write that he is friendly but just doesn't like to socialize outside of the house. I trust that the letter writer would be able to better identify whether or not thats the case here, and trust shell be able to address it appropriately with a skilled counselor. Hee! If I squint really hard, I can kiiiinda see the objection to the first scenario (though still not really), but objecting to the second is very weird. Youve put your finger on one of the things bugging me most about this: the idea that the LW has no agency. Ive now chosen to travel for my job to offset he loneliness. Remember, what happens in Vegas stays on YouTube forever. My husband was very upset. And if you go to Roppongi or Kabuki-cho and get wasted at a sketchy bar, then yeah, turns out you have greatly increased the odds that someone will steal your wallet. Casinos are closely monitored and have security, and its a very touristy city, so I imagine there are a lot of people out and about at night (at least near the strip). I dont think thats something you really need to dive into OP (since thats not the real issue here), but I thought Id mention it to say that youre not the one thats offbase here. I said this above, but I read this phrase as his friends were objecting to his stance and would even let their spouses go. He thought I should take his moms feelings into consideration and realize that I wasnt just hurting him, but his family as well, and reconsider. Well, it depends. And the shopping! My own husband went to Vegas for a conference a few years ago. And ate a lot of food. One of mine once told me that his mom felt that I was being very unfair to him and was devastated that she wouldnt get to plan our wedding. The same counselors that would demand that the woman submit would also tell the husband to man up and provide for his wife. Sounds like this husband needs to identify exactly what he is afraid ofI highly doubt that both his wife cheating and her getting kidnapped are equal fears because they stem from different insecurities, but hey, maybe hes insecure about everything. If my husband were on a trip to Vegas, Id be fine with it, but if he were going with his coworker, Id probably want to tag along. Id dump him. This is about control. Im anxious and so is my Mother, so Ive been on both sides of this, and I have a lot of sympathy for you, OP, and for your spouse too. We strive to provide you with a high quality community experience. There is almost always an office, a security guard, etc. If yes, how does he handle those trips? Give yourself permission tofeel hurt and angry. Right? You know you can go to Vegas and have fun and not be kidnapped or drugged. You are one strong person, and thanks for sharing your story! This. Nobody ever said I wont let you go on that trip, but it certainly wouldnt have ended well if they had. Best of luck on your issues, and I hope you get the resolution youre seeking! If your husband is really giving you a choice between staying married to him and going on a business trip, the answer may be difficult to face, but hes giving you a clear choice: You can live your life on his terms, with the threat of divorce hanging over your head if you participate in public and professional life in a way that displeases him, or live your life on your terms. We talked about it a lot and it turns out that most of his fears were based on baggage from previous relationships (2 of his exes cheated). We partially worked around it by him pack me an automotive emergency kit since rental cars tend to lack flares, reflectors, etc. Fiance knew this, but he was taking no chances. Its possible, though, that he really is controlling. The biggest crime Ive personally witnessed is the outrageous price of food. There is plenty to do in Las Vegas that has nothing to do with sin and can be done in any big city (restaurants, shopping, going to theater, etc.). Updated: June 23, 2020. You might want to change, but also can't. If you need to go out and do things, go do those with your friends and family, or even initially-strangers via v. If I were married and my husband told me that he honestly thought so little of me that he assumed I would cheat on him because I was going to Vegas for a business conference, I would be heartbroken. Some people really arent used to being apart from their partners. Weve been a few times on holiday and love it the shopping, the food we dont even bother with the gambling. It could be, but its tougher to stay up all night gambling and partying in the middle of the week in NY or SF. Not from the letter and not from the follow ups. No. Especially when those demands result in diminished opportunities. He doesnt have friends. Then the next day drive another five hours and spend the night in a hotel then the final day if we drove five hours we would be at the beach. I supervise a manager who falsified an employee write-up but I dont think she should be fired. And that now his family isdisappointed inme. They figure the guys didnt want any young white foreigners getting caught up in some kind of scuffle but still Dont start trouble, you wont get trouble! Yeah, cheating is a pretty terrible thing to accuse a partner of without any basis, and personally is an immediate dealbreaker for me. Usually these things build up over time and abusive relationships (even if not intentionally abusive even if the partner really does have anxiety or whatever and is not TRYING to be controlling!) I was admittedly super jealous when Booth got to go to Orlando because Disney World is a lifelong obsession of mine, but I didnt beg him not to go, or tell him that all the other wives I spoke to wouldnt allow it . I do sympathize with what you are dealing with. Not for me. Yeah, Vegas is like Disneyland now. Just those who DO think its abuse should be aware that when they think that, the best thing to suggest is individual not joint therapy. My mom has cooled off a bit now that Im almost 40 (!! I dont let him go on trips because we dont manage each others lives like that, but I do support his career and any travel that entails even if its stressful for me. I'm scheduled for a c-section on September 21st and although it's not that far away, it's definitely not as close as I would like it to be. Thats even better than the Seinfeld episode where Georges girlfriend refuses to accept his decision to break up with her! Sorry, that isnt useful. Thanks for weighing in, Working Wife; were on your side, and we hope you can resolve this. He is just jealous that he cant get off work and go with me! Id say the chances are > 50% that this guy never asked anyone anything. She is not the nicest mother in law, either. Im glad you left that loser. I would have not reacted well to this if I were the best friend. The duration of the vacation. A great thing to consider would be inviting a few friends over on Friday night for Shabbat dinner. Might need to go back. On the one hand, youd have to be very clear that hed be on his own while youre in all those meetings/conferences/etc and that you cant spend that time with him but, on the other hand, it may be worthwhile to relieve his stress and anxiety. Plenty to do in Vegas besides gambling and shows! If a person hasnt had much of a chance (or desire) to go to different places, your impression of them is far different than the reality. The compromise? What the hell? I made this comment on the most recent one of those! And so on. I would imagine thats what happens in Vegas for a great many solo work travelers. He was jealous and controlling before we got engaged. As a non-gambler I found Las Vegas boring as hell. Co-worker had a wonderful time. I spent a lot of the day just wandering around the strip). Ive had several week-long business trips in CA the last few years and its a non-event. Its just unacceptable. Her starting point is out of loveshe doesnt want to lose me. Go on the business trip, set and hold firm limits with him (i.e., if you want to call him at 9 each night, great, but thats it. Its not bad practice to not accept food or drink from strangers, or let your drink out of your sight at a bar, but Id worry about those things much less in Las Vegas than in a local bar. You just reminded me that a lot of Mormon fundamentalist families live in the suburbs of Vegas because people dont bother polygamist families out there like they do in Utah. This absolutely doesnt make the response of OPs husband right in any sense, but figuring out why they are feeling like this can be helpful and can help figure out where to go from there.